Mental Health Journey: I started to get a sense of my differences in high school. I wasn’t doing things the “right” way and my grades suffered. Couple that with my parents divorcing, moving to a new apartment almost every year, and not knowing if we had power on or food to eat when I got home, it was a recipe for disaster. I failed multiple classes and started occasionally hanging out with the wrong crowd, smoking cigarettes behind the gym type stuff. Just imagine a pissed off, frustrated, jealous, punk kid who thought the world was against him… that was me.
Heavy metal saved my life. Instead of turning to drugs and alcohol to cope, I raged with Metallica, Slipknot, Disturbed, Korn, Deftones, Papa Roach, Coal Chamber, and the like. In fact, Master of Puppets was the biggest reason why I didn’t start doing drugs. I learned to play guitar and bass and gigged a few times with various bands. Performing was my antidepressant and it felt fucking good.
But as I moved to college and then adulthood, things got harder. I got it into my head that I had to become a different version of myself in order to succeed. For 15 years, I fooled myself into thinking that the version of me I created was me. But, I started to fail again. Missed deadlines, incomplete work, unable to keep up with projects all led to bad performance reviews and eventual job losses. I was officially diagnosed with combined hyperactive and inattentive ADHD well into my 30s, but finally knowing what was wrong with me didn’t help. I started suffering from extreme burnout and anxiety, barely being able to finish a day of work without a panic attack, much less enjoy a weekend with family. My wife, thankfully, picked me off the floor and got me help. I soon started therapy and ended up quitting not just my job and my career of 15 years, but I quit being the false version of me and chose to just be me.
Best Mental Health Advice I Ever Received: Your mask isn’t you, and you are not your mask.
Music stuff
Best Concert I’ve Attended: Metallica, Feb. 28, 2019 in El Paso
All-Time Top 5 Bands/Artists:
- Metallica
- Disturbed
- Deftones
- Slipknot
- Incubus
Top 5 Current Favorite Bands/Artists:
- Metallica (still)
- Machine Head
- Trivium
- Avenged Sevenfold
- Lockjaw
5 songs for my mental health:
- Yesterday Don’t Mean Shit by Pantera for when I find myself thinking about the past (usually the bad shit)
- Say It Ain’t So by Weezer when I’m feeling insecure and need to be okay with it
- The Light by Disturbed when I feel like I’m in darkness and can’t find a way out
- Cemetary Gates by Pantera when I’m grieving and thinking about friends who have passed
- Be Quiet and Drive by Deftones when I feel stuck and need a kick in the ass to get moving or started on something
Top 5 Pop Music Guilty Pleasures:
1) In college, I was into the party scene, so I liked a lot of the dance music you would hear in the clubs. Daft Punk still gets me moving.
2) Covers. I like to hear artists take a song and make it their own, especially if they cross genres. Karaoke is not included!
3) Mumford and Sons. Their songs talk about some real shit, and the guitar tracks are really good.
4) 80s Hair Bands. As much as I want to say I’m 100% a thrasher, I can’t help but rock out to Van Halen, Montley Crue, Whitesnake, and Twisted Sister.
5) My wife and I watch The Voice every season. Don’t judge.
Music Hot Take: Heavy metal is the closest to classical music in terms of musicallity, structure, and progressions than any other genre. Keith Richards, James Hetfield, Kurt Cobain, and Dave Mustaine are modern day composers.