In last week’s episode, we talked a lot about some deep mental health stuff related to the music. Particularly, the song I Felt It Today by Makeout Palace took us into a real place that we have all felt at one time or another: It.
Most times, that “it” feeling isn’t exactly describable and you really can’t quite discern it. It doesn’t fall into the usual categories of emotion like sadness, happiness, or anger. It’s different, and even through you can’t name it, you know it’s there.
For those of us going through some rough times, dealing with past traumas, or riding the waves of mental disorders, “it” comes often and it weighs us down into a funk that we can’t seem to shake. We may not know what to do with “it,” but we know when it’s there.
The Thing That Should Not Be
As a teenager, I felt “it” a lot. Dealing with my parents’ split and financial hardships – along with teenage hormones and angst – I had a lot going on in my brain. I remember feeling a darkness of sorts, an emotion that wasn’t quite sadness, anger, or jealousy. It was all of those things and different at the same time, and it was intense.
It felt strange feeling “it” while at the same time trying to come off like everything is fine, or what we call masking. I went to school, hung out with friends, spent time with family, all while having “it” stuck in the back of my mind the entire time.
At the same time, I was also listening to a lot of Metallica (shocker!). My mom had bought Master of Puppets for me and I wore down that CD fast. The track that really spoke to me was The Thing That Should Not Be. Despite its eeriness, the song helped me call my “it” something of the first time.
Everything from the music, James’ lyrics, Lars’ syncopated rhythms are gloomy, dark, morbid, and uncomfortable… all of the things my “it” feels like. I remember feeling sort of relieved too, mostly because I didn’t have give it a name or assign it an emotion, I just knew what it felt like when it came. And that made all of the difference.
What to do with “It”
Like the old expression goes, the first step toward solving a problem is acknowledging that there is one. In this case, the first step of dealing with “it” is acknowledging that it exists.
Now of course, everyone’s “it” is different. It is usually created by our traumas, fears, experiences, stressors, anxieties, and challenges, all of which are unique to each of us. It’s sort of like birthmarks, most of us have some but they almost never look alike. It may come with open and unhealed wounds, unresolved conflicts or guilt, regrets and things you wished were different, or even self-hate.
Whatever your “it” is, it’s still an emotion and just like any other emotion, not dealing with it can lead to serious mental health issues. Many of us turn to drugs, alcohol, porn, or any other destructive behaviors to self-medicate to try to make it go away. Others try to ignore it and bury it deep down, only for it to come back harder and more intense. And in worst cases, “it” can metastasize into self-harm or even suicidal thoughts.
Seeking Help
We talk about therapy a lot on the show and that is on purpose. It actually works! And just like any other medical treatment, it takes time to find balance and healing. But what you might not realize is that you have already taken the first step: you have acknowledged your “it” exists and you know that it’s a feeling you want to talk more about.
Seeking therapy is NOT admitting weakness. In fact, getting mental health treatment is one of the strongest thing you can do for yourself and your family. Talking through your “it” and all of the strong emotions you are feeling with a trained professional can help you process traumas and give you the tools you need to navigate the next time your “it” comes back.
Your “it’ doesn’t define you, and you absolutely deserve healing. And the next step is easier than you think.
If you or someone you know are experiencing emotional distress, are in crisis, or need help finding mental health advice, please call or text 988 today for immediate care, advice, or to be connected with a mental health professional.
